“Flaw Allows Children To Unlock X-Rated Material In New Harry Potter Book

…Children as young as eight have reported finding sexually explicit sequences just like that spread throughout the book thanks to a flaw in the publication process officials are calling the “hot cauldron” mod…”

I KNEW IT!

“There’s Sex In My Violence! What’s this lame soft-core porn doing in my ultraviolent “Grand Theft Auto”? I am outraged!”

Thank God. I mean, thank God there was a screechy and pointless uproar over the fact that violence-addled teenagers can, via a free downloadable patch, watch badly animated semi-explicit soft-core sex scenes interspersed throughout the No. 1 best-selling video game, “Grand Theft Auto, San Andreas.”

Elsewhere, some giant asshat of a man raises similar “issues” with The Sims 2:

“In a manifesto sent today to press outlets, Thompson focuses on dismantling the Entertainment Software Ratings Board and exposing what he calls the industry’s “latest dirty little secret.” The secret’s out now, and it involves nude sims.”

Guess what? People have sexual organs. And I can conjure them up with my mind!

MESSAGE TO GOD: I DONT WANT TO SHARE THIS EARTH WITH THESE PEOPLE ANY MORE.